Disappointed.

Happy Tuesday people :) !

# Time : 5.02 PM , 20/3/2012

# Current songs playing : Hello To Myself - Dream High 2

# Pictures : N/A

# Words : Yes 

Hello there :) How do you do ? I am currently in a dissapointed and sad mood . Gahh , I just can't describe my feelings right now . T_T I am very dissapointed on myself for not being able to do well in my monthly test . I've gotten back my results except economics and MUET ( Listening and Speaking ) . Out of all those papers that I've gotten back , the most dissapointed results were my Pengajian Am and MUET ( Reading ) . I'd got 20/45 for MUET ( Reading ) and 49/100 for Pengajian Am . So dissapointed . T_T My account and business paper was okay although I didn't get an As but at least in the catergory of Bs :) I'm quite satisfied with my account and business . The worst results I'd ever get for MUET . 20/45 !! I just realized that I've been fooling around for MUET subject , I'd never took it as a serious subject once I've gotten my paper yesterday . I felt very sad , dissapointed and heartbroken at the moment I had the results on my hand D:

Sigh ~ Yesterday night , I was too sad and feeling too uncomfortable thinking about my results , so I went and messaged with Wai Soon korkor . I'd told him about my results and he'd actually advised me not to give up and it is not too late to change . Forget about the past and focus more on the future . I KNOW what he means but I tend to be emotional , sad , dissapointed , scared and wanting to give up whenever I'm feeling down or I didn't do well for my exams D: I am trying to change the way of studies right now but at the same time , I'm scare too , I'm scared that I did not have time or too lazy to change the way of studying . T_T What should I do ?? I don't have any confidence right now . It seems like all my confidence that I had it for 18 years are now all GONE . *cries* I feel stressed and threaten when comes to study wise .

Today , I also feel super stressed because of my friends , CLASSMATES . I am not trying to talk bad about them . But I'd just feel like I can't talk to them especially my own races . I do not know why , maybe I do but I just can't say and think of the reasons . I don't even have a common topic to talk with them . That is one of the sadest part . I'd always felt that they always ignored me everytime when I'd say something . T_T Like today , after recess , there's no teacher who came into class to teach for 6 periods . Everyone have their own work to do *gossiping* while I did a little revision on my economics . 

My friends , classmates they don't even care about me . I feel that I was ditched by them . I don't feel the fun . They don't even ask me why am I feeling down or what happened to me D:  I just feel really sad . I really want to cry at that moment but I'd choose not to do it because they will think I'll cry for no reasons . Whenever I stared at them , they will always look away from my eye contact . I don't really understand what is the exact meaning of friends  . I just don't understand .

Now I finally realized that I'd no true friends actually in class D: They always ask for my help and I'm willing to help them . When it comes to my turn , whenever I need their help , they seems to give me a to-be-forced look . Why am I so stupid to help them when they doesn't wants to help ? They always asked me for tissue paper . AM I THEIR TISSUE SUPPLIER ? WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BRING THEIR OWN TISSUE PAPERS ? All these stuffs actually hurt my feelings alot , maybe thousand times ! I just don't want to bring this matter up to anyone . I don't want it to turn into a big problem to anyone . All I can do is only express my feelings through here or keep inside my heart forever .

" Do you ever feel like breaking down ? Do you ever feel out of place , like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you ? " Maybe Joey is right , I only talk to Wildhan because he also shares the same interest with me which is Kpop . Perhaps its true :) I can actually talk anything but no one tries to talk to me . *cries* I wish I'm a mute person infront of them . I just don't know how to face them for another 7 months ? It is so sickening and I think I'd be crazy if this continues ........ Back in 2010 , when I was in Assunta school , I wasn't emotional as bad as now . Although that time all my chinese friends do speaks chinese but at least they care about me . They always cheer for me whenever I'm down  but now (current classmates) ................ NOT AT ALL. 

I wish I am now studying in college . At least I won't feel left out or being "used" or being ignored by some people . I am not regretting of studying form 6 but just that ......... FRIENDS . T_T

Anyways , I am going to create a new facebook account . I just can't seems to stand anymore . I will add those people only whom I will talk to . I can't bare to see the things happens anymore again. D:

Take care , see you soon :)