Monday Grey T_T

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lyin' here tonight
And I can't stand the pain 
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

#now playing : Simple Plan - Untitled *sobs*



Usually people will call today as Monday Blue but I'm going to address it as Monday Grey.
The sky is grey today which made my mood suddenly down .
My emotional problem strikes me again . 
Sometimes I wish I can be emotionless ......
My mood actually went down because my friend's relative passed away . (A/N : I know I shouldn't mentioned it at here T_T
Seeing her cry today makes my mood down and I feel like crying with her too . I hope she will stay strong.

Since I just mentioned about my emotional problem , the feeling of being lonely and alone is back again . I feel like no one care about me . The feeling when I felt in upper six is back again. I don't know why I felt like certain people are trying to ignore me when I try to talk to them closely especially guys (A/N : i'm not an attention seeker ) . I just can't get well along with them . They talk with my friends like so friendly and so on but they just like smile or feel annoyed when I talk to them . Or was I think too much ? 

To be honest , ever since my form six seniors left the school , I had never been properly smile or laugh out loud . I kept being emotional and I don't really go well with my classmates especially the Chinese gang . Was it because they found out that I am a banana? They always group together and they will only ask me when they need help T_T I felt like they were only using me for something. I was really down and lonely when I was in upper six but I didn't express my feelings.  This is why I decided not to keep in touch with them. =/ 

Sometimes I wish I can be a socialized person. Actually, I am not really good in expressing my feelings.I always keep everything to myself . This is why I am super duper quiet . I DO MIND how people see me . I sometimes scare I will hurt people's feeling when I talk too much. In the end, I will lose them.The tone I used when I talk will make people feel bored . This is why I choose to be silent. 

Sometimes it's just a small matter but I can make it into a bigger matter. I knew that I think too much. I want to change myself but I just don't know how D: I've been telling my "best brother" about it since two years ago. I still don't know the solution until now. Sometimes I just feel like crying in person but no

If I were to go If I were to get close to you What would you think?I don’t have the courage. If you were to go, If you were to leave. I don’t know how to send you away It keeps hanging on my mind

I tend to be very jealous whenever my close friends get closer to another friend of mine. It makes me feel like I was being left out . But, ever since I attended university , I try not to be jealous of just a simple thing. I think I managed to overcome it ? Of course not fully overcome but I don't feel the jealousy strongness anymore. :)) I am really happy that I glad to meet some friendly cutie funny course mates. I feel very happy and comfortable with them . 

However , the emotional feelings are back today. I felt like I was being left out again. I choose not to know about so many things but actually I do somehow . I do want to know what's going on but unfortunately , I don't dare to open my mouth. I am jealous that how come no one talk to me about their problems. Do I look that scary? Hahah *gasp*  

Is it because I wasn't from Chinese school this is why people tend to avoid me? Or maybe I was the one who tried to avoid me? I just hate the fact that those people who talk to me and act like care about me...... 

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

 Sometimes I just choose to type rather than talk ..........