After a year....

Guess what? My depression and imsonia feeling is back again out of sudden :\ Haha. Actually not out of sudden, it's quite sometimes back. I always wanted to blog about this. I'm just being too lazy :P Now, I am back to my so-called dormitoryafter 2 weeks of being a couch potato T^T I've been sleeping late for the past 2 weeks not because that I'm tired just thata lot of things are surrounding my mind which makes me can't sleep eventhough I lie down on the bed. [Depression mood : ON]
Hahahahaahahahahahaha

What are the exact things that make me so worry and confuse and sad and also depress now? Should I say it is housemateproblem? or maybe it was my own problem? I just can't handle stuff properly. I am easily influenced by what other people said.X) As day goes by, I just can't seems to communicate well with my housemate. My tone became cold and serious when I'm trying to speak towards them.It just happen.I don't know why and because of this I feel like moving out from the
current place and stay with the friends I'm comfortable with. BUT, I don't know the exact feelings. Sometimes I want to move out, sometimes I don't. I just don't know. Just because of some issue about the friends I know , I doubt and re-think whether should I stay with them or not. But of course, I think I will be more comfortable with my own friends than strangers?
Mehh , I ain't calling my current housemate as strangers but .......  so yeah ~~~~

To be really really super duper honest, I don't mind staying with my current housemate actually.It's just that I sometimes feel lonely because I don't talk much with them. On the other hand, if I decided to stay with my friends, will I be able to get rid of the loneliness? I don't really know .____________.

I am an introvert person. I can talk a lot and crap a lot in social media but not in reality world. I just can't seems to find any topic that I can talk. I am afraid once I talk too much I will
hurt those people feelings..This is why I choose to keep quiet.

Because I know I am an introvert person, I am just afraid and worry that I will hurt other people's feeling but inside of me. I feel super lonely.Sometimes I will cry to myself for being an introvert person.Why can't I be more friendly person? Nobody's perfect !! I know but I just can't .... sigh ~~

I am actually having a heart-to-heart talk with one of my coursemate now. He and I almost have the same personality. Haha .
Because he is a guy , he is strong and tough enough to handle this type of situation. I am not. I just don't want to accept the fact . Hahaha . DAMN !!!

I'm not trying to critize chinese people now. BUT WHY THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE FROM CHINESE EDUCATED SCHOOL IS THE TYPE OF CLOSE MINDED PEOPLE ? Just because I am a chinese and I don't speak good chinese , they tend to ignore me.. I sometimes
feel like crying just because I am being rejected by them? Hahahaah..I hate this shit feeling !! I thought my life would changeto a better life after what I've been through in Form 6 but it's just the same. Guess I'll have to face it? But I don't want
to be alone.

I've been worry about the same thing again. I want to thank my "darling" for making me to be slightly socialize when I'm with her.
However, sometimes I feel jealous that a lot people got "attracted" to her. She can easily friends with strangers or a lot of people. I want to be more socialize but I just can't.
Maybe because I was born to be like this? Ugh ._____________________. MOLLA !!! T^T Sometimes I just don't want to be myself.
I want to be someone else.